Introduction

July 1, 1997

Dear Sue,

It is to you and for you that I write this book, so that through it you will be able to experience my years growing up in Hungary. Your mother, may she rest in peace, “alav hashalom,” knew some of my history, but not all of it. Be patient with your aging father, as you will request the same someday of your son and his family.

You were born in a country that guarantees its citizens freedom. You do not have to find a meaning for this powerful word. I had to. Here is my understanding of it:

Freedom is a state of being so many in our country take for granted. It is a state that most of the world cannot even comprehend. I have had the rare experience of being born in one kind of freedom—the kind that exists within the confines of family, youth, and a simple life—and being reborn into freedom of the body, mind, spirit, and soul. The journey from one to the other was separated by violent upheaval and the destruction of everything I knew.

This freedom allowed me to become a doctor, serving my patients’ needs, bringing them relief from the pain they felt in their bodies and sometimes in their minds and hearts. Had I been prevented, along with my mother, father, and sister, from gaining this freedom, I would not have known your mother, nor would I have had the joy of knowing you. I would not have felt the pain of losing the ones I love, and the privilege of serving the needs of my fellow human beings.

As I write about my history and what I have learned from my experiences, I see that I belong to a generation wedged between the traditions of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. The twentieth century witnessed tremendous growth as well as wars, good times and horrors, and the terrifying impact of genocide; it has also created hope for future generations through the exploration of space, breakthroughs in ways of healing, the independence of new countries, Communism’s rise and fall, the formation of the United Nations, economic change, youthful rebellion, and the throwing off of fears as well as the holding on to them. We look forward to the twenty-first century, and with it the rising sun of spirituality and the birth of a free-thinking humanity. I remember my comrades in arms on the beaches of Normandy; I remember the gift of their lives for democracy and freedom. These young men were courageous spirits who faced death with dignity and grace. They preserved our cherished ideals.

What is peace? It can mean many things to many people. I have found that the highest peace is the peace that comes through the soul. This can only come from the awareness of having done the wisest and the best of all things according to one’s highest ideals, one’s own light. It is one’s own judgment and wisdom that guides this quest for peace-not opinion, which is the darkest side of the mind at best. An opinion is usually filled with deep prejudice.

On July 4, 1999, I will be seventy-nine years old—or young, as I like to think about it. I ask myself if I can judge myself, my actions, my accomplishments, and my lack of accomplishments. Can I judge my life honestly and without prejudice? Do I even have the right to do so? Some of my past was not created by me but by others and by circumstances, even as circumstances alter my life now while I am holding my pen.

At my age, thoughts about life and death enter my mind. What is the purpose of my life? Who has benefited from my being here? What if I were not here? What happens after death?

It is the privilege of a seventy-nine-year-old person to put down his thoughts without worrying about what others will think of him. Let each take it as it is. If by chance it is accepted, maybe I will be able to share a bit of myself with others.

The physical self needs to work in harmony with the inner self, the soul that feels, the soul that values purpose in life and in our own existence. It is the feeling part of each of us that gives our lives meaning. Thinking alone is limited in fathoming reality as it is and as it should be.

What motivates me to write my life’s history? That is easy. I believe that every human being should retrace his past and evaluate his accomplishments. That evaluation should not wait for the hour of death, when it may be too late and one’s history and its lessons might be lost to those who need it most—family, friends, strangers, and oneself.

All peoples’ histories are equal in importance, for these combined experiences make up the history of the human family. Our memories may be treasures or burdens to us, but they become the guideposts to the future as well as obstacles to be overcome by our efforts at understanding and growth. The sum of all our experiences defines what we are yet to become.

If I have learned one thing in my life, it is that my natural senses are limited in their ability to grasp the depth and meaning of life. Through these one cannot understand the substance of life’s meaning, the love of the spirit, or the essence of spiritual things. The senses cannot prove or disprove the existence of the Creator. I have concluded that truth and facts are the means by which one attains knowledge of the Creator at a given moment.

I also believe that anyone born into the world partly possesses it simply by the fact of their birth. That birthright is denied to most people through laws of citizenship which are often prejudiced and supported by social, religious and racial biases. These laws are supported not only by the people but by the courts of all nations on this earth. I experienced this condition early in my youth.

I have also learned that every human being comes into this world naked, helpless, and unable to care for himself. All living creatures deserve assistance while they are helpless, be they young or aged. Yet so many are not helped but destroyed, cast aside by the prevailing prejudices of the people entrusted with caring for life in the world.

I firmly believe that to help the helpless is the highest honor, the highest privilege, and the highest virtue. Earthly life for most people is not a paradise, not heavenly. Having experienced the adversities of life as well as its joys, I have concluded that life on earth is but a beginning, a vestibule wherein I, as everyone else, am as if in a womb.

Sometimes I fear that I may have become so steeped in the affairs of the outside world that I will fall into ways that could oppress another for love of power, or I might seek to control another person to their detriment. The human mind loves to dominate, loves to destroy, loves revenge, loves power over others. The soul loves peace. Let us remember what the years have shown us through our individual histories. All things in life are answered accordingly: war with war, destruction with destruction, hate with hate, peace with peace, love with love. The soul of each person—my soul, your soul, or the soul of a nation—plays a greater part than the mind, the external and the material man.

Strive to understand your soul, achieve a more spiritual state of being, and we as a race will begin to fulfill our true destiny.

Now as to my life...